The only thing worse than divorcing the narcissistic is co-parenting with one. Where there are no children, at least once the divorce goes through you can draw a line in the beach and cut all ties with them. When you have children together, unfortunately you need to co-parent with the narcissistic for times to come.
The first thing you need to realise is that the narcissistic isn’t going to change. So trying to reason with them and show them that what they’re doing isn’t in the children’s best interests isn’t going to move the narcissistic that you’re right and they’re wrong.
While you can’t control the way your narcissistic partner mate interacts with the children and you can’t co-parent( as it’s insolvable to co-parent with a narcissistic), you can control how you interact with the narcissistic parent.
Who the narcissistic chooses as her victims
Narcissist can only do this to people who are vulnerable to them. Tragically this means that children are the most common victims.
The victim of similar abuse must develop a set of rules to keep him out of the narcossist’s line of fire. This means policing oneself to not betray any signs of excitement or enthusiasm unless it reflects directly upon the narcissist. Part of the narcissist ’s domination is to move his victim that she has no value unless the narcissist says so.
It’s woeful to suppose of how the victim of similar abuse has to dislocate themselves from themselves just to stay out of peril. They can not have robotic gests of joy or meaning. They can not even know how they feel because that involves looking inward rather of outward at the egocentric. All of these ways of being give the narcissist with what she wants to know she has power and control over her victim.
Why do narcissist abuse those they love?
1* They also can’t comprehend that you genuinely love them
because their childhood experience was they never get enough love from their primary caregivers so they test you first with little falsehoods, also if you forgive them and continue to love them, they will test you again. This time with infidelities, verbal abuse, emotional detachment and so on. In the end the one loving these narcissist are all broken and traumatized. When you leave them because you ca n’t take it presently, also they will say, ‘ You said you love but you do n’t ’. It’s a situation you ca n’t win. No matter what you do, your love and fidelity will noway be enough for them. Sad fact but it’s reality.
2* They can not admire your love because they detest themselves.
So if you love them, especially after the mask came off, they devalue you because you should want better for yourself than the shallow, perfidious, abusive, low life clunker they know they are. So your care and love make you weak and stupid to be honest. Ironically, the abuse is because they despise you for being better than them. Your very existence is a constant memorial of their essential lack.
3* They need to see evidence of their power over another to validate their worth.
Hurting someone you love confirms it twice someone loves them, and they ’re important enough that their geste
makes someone hurt.
4* People who genuinely do notcare about the narcissist, or those who laboriously dislike them are less likely to let the narcissist hurt them.
Those who care about the narcissist allow themselves to be rocked by body blow after body blow, as the narcissist finds a vessel for their frustration at life.
Narcissist need someone to leave on, to condemn, someone who they can appear enormous by comparison.
Once they’ve allured in the minding person and feel secure in the relationship, a narcissist feels like he or she “ owns ” this person and that this person exists only to serve their needs.
READ ALSO: 9 STAGES OF RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE
5* They’re unable of feeling bad for hurting someone who loves them.
Some say that they begrudge them for their virtuousness and want to take them down a notch or that they detest them for their astral rates as a mortal being. I do n’t suppose that’s exactly right. I suppose the narcissist believes that he no longer has to pretend to be a good person and that the minding person is trapped. They also show their true tone( drop the mask they wear) and start slighting, censuring, demoralizing, abusing, destroying,etc. their victim.
6* The narcissist needs to hurt you in order for them to feel alive.
Narcissist are empty outside, there’s a void that drives them to constantly seek energy. They need this energy to patch themselves up outside or they will sink into despair.
This is something that’s delicate to understand if you don’t also have a void inside yourself. For you, a warm soak or relaxing massage or a good movie will get you out of your doldrums. These things do n’t work for narcissist, whatever that’s inside them does n’t respond like yours. They need to feel the power and control of causing you to share tears through their behavior, and this is called negative energy. When the feeling of power and control of watching you cry surges through them, it temporarily dispels the void and they feel alive, like how you might feel after a awful massage. Your gashes are evidence of your love to the narcissist, nothing differently can be proof. The point of narcissistic abuse is to render you tone-destructive and to make you feel empty so that you’re no longer a trouble to them and are fluently controlled.
7* Narcissist are frequently abusive because they’re tone- absorbed and noway feel shamefaced or regretful for their behavior.
8* Narcissist frequently use their victims as sources of Narcissistic force, which is a way of maintaining their self- regard.
9* Victims of narcissist frequently feel trapped and helpless, as they’ve no way of escaping or defending themselves.
10* The cycle of abuse is frequently eternalized by the victim’s friends and family, who may be hysterical to defy the narcissist or support the victim.
11* Narcissist are self- centered and don’t understand the requirements of others.
12* Narcissist are frequently insecure and feel entitled to everything they ask .
13* Narcissist exploit others for their own gain or to feel important.
14* People who are in a relationship with a narcissist frequently come victims of abuse.
15* Narcissist frequently use verbal and emotional abuse to control their mates.
16* Victims of narcissist abuse frequently feel shamed and helpless.
17* Recovery from a relationship with a narcissist can be delicate, but it’s possible.
How to deal with a narcissistic personality
1* Remember that you ’re not at fault
A person with narcissistic personality complaint isn’t likely to admit a mistake or take responsibility for hurting you. rather, they tend to project their own negative actions onto you or someone differently.
You might be tempted to keep the peace by accepting blame, but you don’t have to be little yourself to regain their pride.
You know the truth. Don’t let anyone take that down from you.
2* Set & Maintain firm Boundaries
People with Narcissistic Personality complaint are habitual boundary- crossers. They’ve no problem bending and breaking rules because rules do n’t apply to them. still, they hold their own boundaries near and dear.
When involved with these individualities, make sure that you set boundaries and roundly maintain them. State what you’ll and won’t accept and don’t falter. Any crack in your foundation is an assignation to violate and push your boundaries. Stand up for yourself, translate your boundary, admit their inferior actions, and push back against their violations.
3* Break the spell and stop focusing on them
When there’s a narcissistic personality in your route, attention seems to gravitate their way. That’s by design — whether it’s negative or positive attention, those with narcissistic personalities work hard to keep themselves in the limelight.
You might soon find yourself buying into this tactic, pushing away your own requirements to keep them satisfied.
still, it may never come, If you ’re staying for a break in their attention- seeking geste
. No matter how much you acclimate your life to suit to their requirements, it’s never going to be enough.
4* Avoid Direct confrontation When Possible
Since narcissist are hyperactive-sensitive to review, calling them out is infrequently helpful and can frequently lead to them twisting out of control. You may even spark their narcissistic rage. rather, if you do need to give any negative feedback, try to frame it as much like a compliment as much as possible and only fit small boluses of feedback.
5* Speak up for yourself
There are times when ignoring something or simply walking down is an applicable response — pick your battles, right?
But a lot depends on the relationship. For illustration, dealing with a master, parent, or partner may call for different strategies than dealing with a colleague, stock, or child.
Some people with narcissistic personalities enjoy making others squirm.However, try not to get visibly flustered or show annoyance, as that will only prompt them to continue, If that’s the case.
still, also you owe it to yourself to speak up, If it’s someone you ’d like to keep close in your life. Try to do this in a calm, gentle manner.
Thanks for reading, please share to educate others and don’t forget to like and comment your opinion in the comment section. See you next time and have a good day.