What Is Polyamory (polyamorous)?
“Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible, and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously,” according to the Polyamory Society. “Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time.”
What is polyamory( polyamorous) Relationship?
Polyamory Relationship is a Relationship that “allows people to have multiple loving connections simultaneously,” explains Leanne Yau, a polyamory educator and founder of the blog Poly Philia. (The word literally comes from the Greek root “poly,” meaning “many,” and the Latin root “amory,” meaning “love.”)
“The crucial thing is that it must be practiced with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved,” Yau says. This distinguishes polyamory from cheating, which occurs when one or more parties in a relationship are unaware of non-monogamous actions by another.
Polyamory falls under the umbrella of ethical non-monogamy, a term that encompasses all the various relationship styles that are consensually non-exclusive, whether sexually, romantically, or both, explains Tamara Pincus, L.I.C.S.W., C.S.T., author of the book It’s Called “Polyamory” and founder of the practice Tamara Pincus and Associates. (Others include open relationships, swinging, and “monogamish” arrangements.) All relationships exist on a spectrum of total romantic and sexual exclusivity to complete non-exclusivity, Yau says; polyamory can fall anywhere beyond traditional monogamy.
Types of polyamory (polyamorous) relationships?
Most polyamorous arrangements are part of a network of people who are connected romantically or sexually. “Not everyone has to date everyone; in fact, most people don’t date their partners’ partners because everyone has different types and tastes.
1* Hierarchical Polyamory
Hierarchical polyamory involves partners who consider each other their first priority. Each is free to pursue secondary romantic relationships outside, Yau says, but there are often ground rules or limitations to how far the other relationships can progress.
In a hierarchical polyamory, a person may have primary and secondary partners.
Primary: A primary partner is at the top of the hierarchical structure; this person may be the person with whom you live, have kids, or even marry. A primary partner is not necessary for polyamorous relationships.
Secondary: Secondary partner(s) may not be as intertwined in your life as a primary partner; for example, you may not share housing or finances but you may still be fully committed to each other.
2* Non-Hierarchical Polyamory
This polyamorous arrangement is similar to the first one, but without a couple at its center. “Everyone has the voice and the right to negotiate the relationship with their partner,” Yau explains, “rather than having to defer to a primary couple.” These two forms make up the vast majority of polyamorous relationships, she says.
3* Mono-poly relationship
In this relationship, one partner follows monogamy and is loyal to the primary relationship, while the other partner follows a polyamorous relationship and is involved with other partners. This is not cheating because it happens with mutual consent.
4* Solo Polyamory
A relatively new term, solo polyamory refers to an individual who has multiple romantic relationships but doesn’t have any of the conditional markers of commitment—like a joint bank account, a shared living space, or a marriage—with someone else. In the world of polyamory, it’s almost like being single: “They very much value their independence and their autonomy,” Yau notes, “but still want to experience romantic connection.
5* Vee poloyamory
Resembling the shape of the letter ‘V,’ in this type of polyamorous relationship, one person dates two people who are not involved with each other.
Also known as closed polyamory or poly-monogamy, this kind of relationship involves three or more people in an exclusive relationship; anyone outside is off-limits. Some arrangements involve everyone in the relationship dating each other, while others take the form of one person having multiple partners who are monogamous with them. This is the rarest type of poly relationship.
In a triad, there are three people involved sexually in a relationship. For instance, a male-female couple can be involved with a male or female
8* Kitchen table polyamory
This type of polyamory relationship involves hanging out with each other, which may or may not be romantic. Not all partners may be sexually involved, but they are comfortable enough to have meals together hence the name kitchen table polyamory.
9* Parallel polyamory
This is the opposite of kitchen table polyamory, where the people involved are not friendly with each other. For instance, Allen is married to Margaret, who is involved with Jamie. Allen and Jamie are aware of each other but do not interact. They are only concerned with their relationship with Margaret
Does infidelity happen in a polyamorous relationship?
As with all relationships, polyamorous relationships have boundaries. If you overstep those boundaries, your partner might consider it cheating, or breaking your relationship agreement.
What does infidelity look like in polyamorous relationships? That depends on the nature of the relationship.
For example, let’s say you and your partner agree not to go on dates with other people without telling one another beforehand. However, your partner starts dating someone without your knowledge. That could be considered a violation of your relationship agreement and a form of infidelity.
As another example, let’s say you’re in a polycule (that is, a group of polyamorous people) and you practice polyfidelity (which means you agree not to have romantic or sexual relationships with people outside the group). But then you start sleeping with someone outside the group. That could be considered an act of infidelity by others in your polycule.
As with all relationships, honesty and communication is key. Overstepping or disregarding boundaries can do some serious damage to your relationship.
Are polyamorous relationships healthy?
Polyamorous relationships can be healthy. Contrary to popular belief, they aren’t all “doomed” — and it’s very possible to have polyamorous relationships that are fulfilling and happy.
As with monogamous relationships, polyamorous relationships can be healthy or unhealthy — happy or unhappy — depending on the behaviors and actions of the people who engage in them.
Many people in polyamorous relationships are satisfied and happy. In fact, a 2018 study looked at people in monogamous relationships and people in non-monogamous relationships. The study found no difference in relationship satisfaction between the two groups.
Rules of polygamory ( polyamorous) relationship.
So whether you’re just intrigued by the idea of polyamory or are already in a committed throuple yourself, consider these 8 rules your roadmap to a happy, healthy, three-way (or four-way! or five-way!) relationship.
1* Establish how much you want to share with each other.
Even if you’re down with sharing lovers, if you are the jealous type, you’re not going to want to hear about what your girlfriend ate at dinner with her other girlfriend, or how much fun your boyfriend had at the wine bar with the third person in your throuple.
You might prefer your partner simply say they’re “going out” when they have a date with someone else and leave it at that. And when it comes to deets about you, tell your partner straight-up whether you’re comfortable with her discussing your intimate moments with someone else.
2* Make the most of your me-time.
Learning how to be alone is just as important as making time to spend with your partners, When your partner is off with their partner, you’ll have to find ways to feel fulfilled when you’re left on your own—and I don’t mean by wasting your time wonder about what your partner is doing.
3* Set boundaries.
If you and, say, your fiancé are dating another couple, when you’re not together as a quad, respect the times your fiancé has set aside to be with your girlfriends and make sure he does the same for you.
You might even want to reserve certain nights for dates made up of every variation of your relationship: Dinner as a quad Sunday through Wednesday, Thursdays for your fiancé and your girlfriend, Fridays for you and your fiancé, and so on, so that you know not to blow up your fiancé’s phone during the nights he’s spending time with someone else. (This’ll encourage him and the rest of your group to show you the same courtesy.)
Instead, use these moments to catch up with friends, clean out that hallway closet you’ve been avoiding for months, take yourself out to dinner, go to Flywheel, or sign up for an art class.
4* Keep your expectations realistic.
Of course, Greer doesn’t assume you can see into the future and predict breakups, but since multiple personalities, temperaments, and preferences are involved in your polyamourous relationship, your best bet is to remember that you and your partners might not live happily ever after—just like people in monogamous relationships might not.
5* Maintain constant and open communication.
Because of how quickly the setup of a relationship can change, it’s especially important for you and your partners to let each other know the moment you’re not into the relationship anymore, when you’re no longer happy being with them, or when you’re thinking of starting a relationship with someone new (if that’s something you’ve decided to share per rule.
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