What is a secret relationship?
A secret relationship is one where the two of you are dating, and for some reason, one or both of you want to keep the relationship a secret from the world. You don’t go out publicly, you don’t text each other in front of others, and you definitely don’t go tagging each other on social media.
So literally, a secret relationship is a “relationship” that honestly isn’t a relationship just yet, for whatever reasons
What one should not do in relationships?
Do not encroach upon anyone’s private space
Do not take them for granted
Do not look them as a means to satisfy your needs i.e be selfish
Do not be angry for long. You won’t be anyways if they are important to you.
Do not let ego come in between when it comes to saying sorry
Do not force your views and thoughts on them rather be open to listen and understand their viewpoints as well.
Do not be disrespectful with your words as well as behaviour towards them.
Do not be absent when they need you the most
Do not lose your own self in trying to maintain a relationship
Do not break their trust
Do not compare (like father vs husband, boyfriend current vs ex)
Do not be someone who keeps finding faults. There is a difference between advising and condemning.
Do not belittle their efforts and love towards you
And lastly do not ever give up on them during rough times. Thats the worst one can do.
Signs you are in a secret relationship
Unwillingly being in a secret relationship can sap away your confidence. It’ll hurt to see that the person you love so much is keeping your relationship under wraps, almost as if they’re ashamed of you. But, is that really what it means, or is there more to it? Let’s take a look at all we need to know about secret relationships, with a little help from dating coach Geetarsh Kaur, founder of The Skill School, which specializes in building stronger relationships
1* None of their friends or family know you are dating
We all have that one person in our lives whom we tell everything to. That person is aware of all things that are important to us, no matter how big or small. And no matter how private a person your partner is, they too will have a person who they confide in.
If you have been dating him for a while and you have not met or even talked to their closest friend, then it’s possible they already have someone, or worse, are already married. A secret relationship after marriage is frowned upon by most people. That’s why your partner may be hiding it even from their friends. If your partner’s best friend is not aware of your existence, then it certainly is a red flag.
2* You don’t get the attention you need
“When a person who is already in a relationship or is married has a secret affair, they’re not able to give attention or time to either partner. And this adversely affects their relationship with both,” says Geetarsh. Does it feel like your partner is absent when you need them the most? Are you only able to see them on their schedule? She or he may be in a secret relationship with you.
3* You keep revisiting the same places
If you find yourself going to a few select places repeatedly, then it’s one of the signs of a secret relationship. It is very normal and even healthy for a couple to try out new things and that includes exploring new places as well. We all have a place that is special to us and we frequent it a lot.
But if you and your partner keep meeting up at the same locations, with very little to no change in your date routines, then it’s most probably because they’re confident they will not be discovered by anyone in these places. And they can continue the façade while reaping the benefits of a secret relationship
4*:Your partner treats you like a buddy in public
It is very important to be friends with your partner. The secret of every successful relationship is transparency and being friends with your special someone will allow you that. But if your boyfriend makes you feel like you are his brother from another mother in public, then you might have to do something about it.
5* They get paranoid when with you in public
When on a date, does your partner always pick the darkest corner or booth? I bet they say they “don’t want anyone to disturb your date.” Don’t buy into it, it’s a ruse. The truth is the difference between a private vs secret relationship is that while in a private relationship, you and your partner may not be declaring your love for each other from the rooftops, but either of you will not shy away from introducing the other as their girlfriend/boyfriend to an acquaintance.
But if your beau is constantly looking over their shoulder and literally ducking under the table to avoid the people they know while with you, then it’s time to know you are in a secret relationship
Why do people want to keep the relationship a secret?
If you’re in a relationship that fits into one of these bills, leave the table-for-two even if dinner is served and too darn irresistible to hold back. You do know there’s something called single dining, don’t you?
1* They’re married!
Married women and men will do anything to keep their extramarital relationship covert. They probably don’t answer your call when they’re at home. And texts, they’re probably as random as they can get. They answer your texts quickly occasionally, but they always seem busy even if they’re just watching some new series.
You’re probably meeting often only around their workplace, or spending weekends on out of town getaways
2* They’re just out of a broken relationship
Everyone moves on when a relationship spells “it’s over”. It hurts and it leaves you drained, gloomy and mostly, bitter.
If your new squeeze is yet to overcome the traumatic effect of a broken relationship, the chances are they would want to keep this new relationship a secret because they’re not yet ready for any commitment. Trust is hard to gain so it’s important that you gain this with your new partner before you actually fall in love with them.
3* They’re still with their ex
Men and women who aren’t quite finished with their former flame would unquestionably jump hoops to hide their relationship. The idea that they can have the cake and eat it too is tempting.
Your new partner may be feeling uneasy about letting go of you, because they’re not sure what their odds are with their on-off relationship with the ex
4* They’re cheating on you
Now this one is the most obvious of them all! Your new partner may articulate everything sugar-coated and agree with whatever you say. All is great, that is until you decide to introduce them to your parents or friends.
People who are cheating on you or using you as a side-chick always have an excuse ready to throw at you because they’re just not interested to meet “your” people. This new person may even hesitate to take you to public places and may insist on going to a sheltered and secluded place because it’s “more romantic and intimate”.
Can a secret relationship work
Secret relationships” can be packed with excitement, anticipation and intrigue, as keeping your romantic relationship with someone under wraps can often create highly passionate moments between the two of you. Having this kind of illicit secret with someone can often make the relationship seem even more exhilarating and tempting, since you’re the only two people in the world who know what’s really happening between you. Much like Chandler and Monica on “Friends,” there can be something quite thrilling about sneaking around and sharing a connection with someone that’s unknown to those around you.
While some secret relationships can actually work in the long run, it’s typically because the secret finally comes out in the open. They tend to work out only if they stop being secret relationships in the not-so-distant future. It’s imperative to fully understand several truths about secret relationships before you enter this kind of forbidden and hidden love affair
Truth about secret relationship you must know
1* You Can Turn Into a Dishonest Person
If you’re going to enter a secret romantic relationship with someone, it’s important to keep in mind how it may affect your relationship with those around you. For example, you may find yourself lying to your friends, family, and coworkers about where you are, who you’re with, where you’re going, and what you’re doing. Keeping track of the web of lies that you’re creating as you keep your relationship a secret can often end up coming back to bite you.
2* They Will Hurt More Than Just You
Aside from lying and deliberately deceiving those around you, there are often far more sinister reasons why secret relationships are in fact meant to be kept “secret” in the first place. You may be causing irreparable damage to many different aspects of your life in the process.
For example, you or your partner may be involved with someone else or are in fact married and cheating on your spouse. Or perhaps the two of you work together and a relationship would mean that one or both of you could lose your jobs. There’s also the possibility that one or both of you are in a situation where those around you wouldn’t approve of this kind of illicit relationship.
Reasons Why Keeping Secrets Can Destroy a Relationship
Relationships are damaged by lies and couples grow apart. It’s hard to feel emotionally connected to someone when you catch them in a lie or find out that they’ve kept a secret from you.
1* Keeping secrets is being dishonest.
Honesty is always the best policy, and most of us have a moral code that tells us that keeping secrets is akin to lying. For most of us, being dishonest is only acceptable when we are in dire straits – like trying to save someone’s life or survive a disaster.
2* Keeping secrets is a hotbed for betrayal.
Leaving out important facts can lead to further deception or betrayal, according to author Dr. Lisa Firestone. Whereas being open with your partner will promote trust and honest communication
Dealing with a secretive partner
People do not tell one another everything about themselves right at the start and only gradually open up. Nonetheless, things should be different in marriage as communication is key to sustaining every home. Here are ways to deal with a secretive partner, if you have one
1* Take the first step
You should lead by example here by sharing with your partner things that are very important to you or things that are bothering you. With time, your partner will unknowingly want to share things with you that means so much. It can start from as little as to how their day went.
2* Be emotionally available
Perhaps you are the one who finds it difficult, possibly even scary, to open up and share things about yourself to others. If this is so, you may be seeing your partner turning secretive in response to your own difficulties in trusting him or her with deeper knowledge about yourself
3* Decide on forgiveness
Couples are hurt by lies and tend to grow apart from their partner. It’s hard to feel emotionally connected to someone when you catch them in a lie or find out that they’ve kept a secret from you. You must decide if you will forgive your secretive partner after certain revelations have been made in order to save your marriage. It is important to analyse your feelings at this juncture as the future of your marriage depends on this.
4* Tell your partner how you feel
Do not suffer in silence, communicate to your partner about your feelings and how he/she can do better by sharing more with you. Let them know that you are beginning to worry about the relationship and many more. If you do not communicate, it will be hard for them to know how being secretive affects you.
5* Always confront your spouse in a civilised manner
If you want to get your partner to open up to you the more, it is advisable to confront him or her about issues in a civilised manner. The dialogue should never degenerate into who is right, but should focus on what is right. You can expect your partner’s reaction to be problematic initially. He or she may be angry or may issue an outright denial and tend to be secretive about an affair for instance. Dialogue wins in most cases
6* Give your partner time
It is not advisable to push your partner to tell you things as you might end up pushing him/her farther away from you. He/she might have been shaped by experiences and definitely needs time to come around and understand that you will always be there.
If after all these there is no form of improvement, you and your partner need to evaluate the relationship and decide what you both want to do and not do.
Thanks for reading, please share to educate others and don’t forget to like and comment your opinion in the comment section. See you next time and have a blessed day.