Back in 1992, Veteran marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman came up with the Five Love Languages to describe these gaps in communication between people who care about each other—and since then, they’ve become kind of a phenomenon among a certain personality type-loving crowd (gestures dramatically to self). Dr. Chapman claims that all of the different ways we give and receive love can be boiled down into five categories and that each person mostly shows their affection via one or two of these categories. Just based on how math works, you’re likely not to speak the same exact love language(s) as your S.O. and friends. Dr. Chapman also says that identifying these differences can be the first step to actually feeling and sharing the love.

Love language

5 Love language Examples

Physical touch

Acts of service

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Gift giving

1* Physical touch

A person with physical touch as their primary love language feels love through physical affection. Aside from sex, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage at the end of the day, for example. This person’s idea of a perfect date might include cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie. They simply want to be close to their partner physically.

Signs your love language is physical touch.

If someone’s love language is physical touch, they may or may not know it, but they enjoy the release of the ‘feel-good hormones’ our body secretes like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, “Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone. That hormone is the same hormone released between a newborn baby and its mother, which is why skin-to-skin contact is highly recommended for bonding after childbirth.

READ ALSO: LOVE LANGUAGE (PHYSICAL TOUCH), IS PHYSICAL TOUCH ROMANTIC ?

You love being in a relationship that’s very “touchy”—lots of cuddling, sitting on each other’s laps, putting your arms around each other randomly, that kind of thing.

Someone doesn’t need to say “I love you” a bunch for you to feel loved—you can feel it through the way they hold you or kiss you.

The little physical gestures like holding hands and resting your head on each other’s shoulders are some of your favorite little things about being in a relationship.

When you’re stressed, you feel instantly calmed or relaxed when your partner puts their hand on yours or rubs your shoulders.

When your partner is around, you always end up sort of mindlessly touching them—placing a hand on their arm or knee, running your fingers through their hair, or gently rubbing the back of their neck.

Ways to Show Love Using the Physical Touch Love Language

There are many ways to show love to your partner. You can show up to support them at an important fundraiser. You can buy them a gift just because you thought of them. You can squeeze their hand when they are having a stressful day.

Physical touch

1* Understand Physical Touch as a Love Language

If your love language is physical touch, then that means you prefer physical expressions of love over all other expressions (such as verbal compliments or gifts).

Note that physical touch as a love language is not all about sex, although sex can be an important aspect of a romantic relationship. A hug, a shoulder squeeze, a handhold, even a pat on the back can be an expression of love that is just as meaningful to your partner.

2* Six-Second Kiss

Straight up from the love doctor himself, Dr. John Gottman’s research revealed that a six-second kiss can have an untold positive impact on your relationship.

Have you ever timed your kisses? Give it a try, six seconds might seem longer than you think!

Couples who engage in this ritual daily experience a boost in fondness and admiration, add to their “emotional bank account” by contributing to the 5:1 ratio of positive to negative experiences, and reduce cortisol while boosting oxytocin levels.

2* Acts of service

An act of service is the physical expression of a thoughtful gesture. It’s one of the five love languages, which are specific styles of showing love.

At its core, an act of service is about someone going out of their way to meaningfully help and support the other person.

When people take initiative to ease some of their responsibilities and burdens, it helps them feel taken care of, safe, and loved in return.

Signs your (love language) is acts of service

There are a few dead giveaways that acts of service is your or your partner’s love language. For one, you could just take the test to see yourself. But if not, generally, “if you feel loved when others notice things they can do to help you out, and you tend to feel overlooked when people don’t pitch in to help you complete tasks, you may experience love primarily through acts of service.

Examples of acts of service.

Below are examples of what different acts of services can look like. Apply imagination and your own understanding of the person’s distinctive preferences to ensure the act will be recognized and appreciated.

While going through the list, remember that an act of service is about more than doing household chores, delivering on some high-octane grand gesture, or how much one can accommodate their every desire to please them.

READ ALSO: LOVE LANGUAGE (ACTS OF SERVICE): SIGNS YOUR PARTNER PREFERS ACTS OF SERVICE

Acts of service

Buy your partner a treat when you’re out running errands.

On the weekend, get up with the kids and let your partner sleep in.

Make them a special playlist.

Do the grocery shopping.

Set aside time to do your partner’s favorite activity (golf, yoga, antique shop) together.

Bring in the trash cans or set them out.
Hold/open the door for them.

Draw them a bath (bubbles/candles/flower petals optional).

Ask if you can bring them anything while you’re up.

Signs your partner prefers the (acts of service) Love Language

They may never ask for your help, but they tend to complain that you never jump in to make things easier for them.

They appear especially appreciative when you surprise them by doing something nice for them.

They seem relieved when you take a burden off of their shoulders, whether it is taking out the trash or running an errand for them on the way home from work.

They comment that actions speak louder than words.

3* Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation are words that communicate your love, appreciation, and respect for another person. They’re positive words and phrases used to uplift someone. What’s more, these compliments and words of encouragement don’t have to be said directly to the person. A simple hand-written note is appreciated just as much as a personal phone call.

People who give and receive love through words of affirmation tend to be the people who notice and care about the details of other people’s lives. For instance, they may be the first to notice their partner’s new haircut. They also remember to ask the neighbor how their sick dog is doing. They may even remember to ask the cashier at the local supermarket if they are feeling any better

Words of affirmation

Examples of words of affirmation

Thank you for listening.

I missed you.

I love how you get me.

I’m so happy to see you.

You’re the best.

No one makes me [laugh as much as/feel as happy/feel as beautiful] as you do.

You’re such a good partner.

You help me feel like I can do anything.

When I’m with you, I’m a better person.

You’re the best [parent /friend/teacher/partner, etc.].

You handled that like a pro.

Why You Should Speak words to affirmation

For people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, supportive and complimentary words make them feel the most loved. Actions and physical intimacy are not as important as affirming words. Speaking the Words of Affirmation love language to your partner means finding small or large ways of expressing approval and gratitude for who they are and what they do.

READ ALSO: LOVE LANGUAGE (WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: HOW TO MAKE WORDS OF AFFIRMATION A HABIT

Affirming words are immensely useful when trying to express love

When you receive a compliment or words validating your person or actions, you feel good and respected. The same is true for the people you give affirming words to.

When you show appreciation for your partner, those words embolden them with confidence and contentment.

How to Make Words of Affirmation a Habit

Even if you are not a words of affirmation person, it is a good idea to make words of affirmation a daily habit. While it might not come naturally, there are things you can do to make offering words of affirmation a habit.

1* Offer encouragement.

Words of affirmation don’t just have to be expressions of gratitude or compliments—they can also focus on words that encourage your partner. When they express interest in something or share one of their goals with you, let them know that you believe in them and support them.

2* Try a pet name

Perhaps you can begin each conversation with the pet name you have your partner. For example, you could say, “Good morning, beautiful” or “How are you, sweet pea?” These terms of endearment may sound corny, but for a words of affirmation person, they can be special.

4* Quality Time

When it comes to Gary Chapman’s five love languages, quality time is the one that centers around togetherness. It’s all about expressing your love and affection with your undivided attention.

When you’re with your partner, you put down the cell phone, turn off the tablet, and focus on them. And, when you do that, it touches their heart in a way that really matters. They feel important, loved, and special—like you were intentional in setting aside time just for them.

Signs your love language is quality time.

If you find most of these statements to be true, quality time is likely very important to you and possibly your primary love language

You’re an excellent listener and always give others your undivided attention.

You aren’t as susceptible to distractions as others, and you find it easy to focus

“You feel most loved when you and your loved one(s) spend uninterrupted time together,”

You appreciate any time the two of you can have a shared experience.

Quality time

Examples of quality time

When it comes to love languages, quality time might seem self-explanatory, but it might actually take you a lil bit of practice to master, especially since what’s considered quality time depends on the person, whose love language is quality time, says for some people, it might mean scheduled one-on-one time. For others, it could mean just being in each others’ presence.

READ ALSO: LOVE LANGUAGE (QUALITY TIME) WHAT SPENDING QUALITY TIME TOGETHER MEANS

Doing a home project together

Planning a vacation or staycation

Going on a vacation or staycation

Exercising or hiking together

Picking up a new hobby as a couple

Discussing and planning your goals together

Scheduling weekly date nights

How to Spend Quality Time With Your Partner

So how do you spend quality time together with your partner? Here are some relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

1* Play Video Games Together

Everyone has an Xbox in their homes, thanks to rapid technological advancement. And most of them have multiplayer games and features. If both of you enjoy playing video games, you should try this out. You can keep things exciting by awarding the winner.

2* Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when spending quality time together. One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom. It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

5* Gift giving

The Gift Giving Love Language is all about sharing your love through the exchange of gifts! Looking for ways to do that with the people you love? Here’s some great tips plus 8 great gift ideas

What does it mean if gift giving is your love language?

In general, it means that you feel the best and most loved when you’re giving and receiving gifts.

“If your primary love language is gift-giving, it means that you express your love by giving others presents, “The gift is an overt demonstration of your love and appreciation for the person receiving it.”

The gifts “tend to be personalized” and are designed to “bring joy and pleasure” to the person you’re giving them to.

Signs your love language is gifts giving

Words are nice, but a physical representation of love you can hold in your hands feels so much more real and meaningful.

You regularly do thoughtful gestures like bringing back two coffees or bringing someone a cup of tea in the afternoon.

You always remember small hostess gifts, or gifts to mark even small special occasions

Everyone’s amazed at your stellar gift-giving ability. You always find unique items the receiver cherishes

READ ALSO: LOVE LANGUAGE ( GIFT GIVING) SOME PRINCIPLES TO KNOW WHEN GIVING GIFTS

How to recognize that your partner love Language is Gifts giving/ receiving

Wondering whether your partner’s primary love language is receiving gifts? If the following characteristics ring true for your relationship, this could be their heart’s preferred parlance.

When traveling, they always leave room in their luggage for souvenirs to give others

Shopping — whether online or in stores — is more of a treat for them than a task.

They pride themselves in picking the perfect, personalized gifts for every occasion

They always have an arsenal of wrapping paper and gift bags for all occasions

Gift giving

Ways to Please a Partner Who Loves language is Receiving Gifts

If you’re in a relationship with someone who speaks the love language of receiving gifts, you might be worried that this spells bad news for your bank account. The reality, however, is that you don’t need to earn a six-figure income in order to keep your partner’s “love tank” full of fuel. To increase your fluency in the love language of receiving gifts, here are some tips to help you cater to your partner’s needs — without breaking the bank.

1* Give Gifts When They’re Down in the Dumps

If your partner is feeling blue, a small reminder of how strongly you feel for them can change their day completely.

2* Embrace the Art of Gift-Giving

View choosing presents for your partner as a skill to be honed and always try to choose items with sentimental value.

3* Put Thought into Every Offering

A seashell that symbolizes a magical moment can mean far more than a fancy pair of earrings or expensive electronics

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